Sometimes I imagine, I have been received in audience
by god. When I think about this there a lot of colors and I see it all in front
me. The room with the throne was gigantic. With thin, high columns looking like
in an old gothic cathedral. The columns
crow up in the blue sky, which had a breath of magic. A million lightning stars
are in the sky. The ambiance is bright and brilliant, and there is no shadow.
There are powerful angels who moves majestically everywhere. Everything is
majestically, everything is breathtakingly and awesome.
In this room I stumble,
stopping breath and was very irritate. I don’t know how I should behave, don’t
knowing where I am. I stumble and fall. This is the right place for me. It not
allowed to go on, go forward. I still can wait here, on the sill to the throne
room of the highest. The cherubs fly around me and they are singing for the
glory of the lord “Holy, holy, holy, lord you are holy. Holy is the lord in the
highest.”There on the ground I’m, with fear to look up. On the sill of the
throne room, on the still to the highest, the king of kings. All the speeches
and all the questions are forgotten now. I have fear, the fear and the feeling
of passing away.
Suddenly I was touched.
A voice speaks to me and she says: “Get up on your feet, why are you laying
there on the ground? It’s nice to see you here; it’s nice that you came to me.”
My eyes look up and see a human in front of me. A human like me. Young
he looks, mid-thirty. His peaceful eyes looking love fully down on me. With the
help of his right arm I got up, looking to the throne and it’s empty. “Where
are you looking for? I’m here” he says to me “Are you looking for God, it’s me
and here I’m”. “You? Sorry, You are the mighty God?” I stutter and he answers
kindly “Yes I’m Jesus from Nazareth.
Let’s go in my snug arbor, where we can get a glass of good red wine and talk
in a friendly atmosphere together.” He takes my hand and carries me to his
beautiful garden. There in a green arbor, which is adorned with a lot of well
smelling floral of all kinds stands a simple table and two chairs. On the table
stands a bottle of wine with two glasses. All looks and smells heavenly. “You
had a question for me, didn’t you? Now is the time for asking. And you don’t
have to say Sir to me anymore. I’m still Jesus for you!”
“Sir, ahm Jesus” I begin
careful “Why do you made the humans with all their hate? Why is the world so
bad? There is sin, war and misery everywhere. Why is the world so bad, why?” I
closed my eyes and listen to the words of the lord. “There isn’t an easy
answer, but I created the human to love. The problem was that I gave the humans
the choice of loving or not loving. Nobody have to love. Nobody must love.
Because of this freedom to choice, love is every time optional. I made the
human able to love and live in peace and harmony together like I do this in the
confraternity to my father and the Holy Spirit. A human never find this love
without me and when they search for my love, I will give it to them. And they
will find a piece of this live when they begin to love the persons in their
environment and in the love to their self’s. My biggest wish is, to come across
with my whole love to a human, so that he creates his own live by this love and
give it to the world. I’m Emmanuel, I’m with the nations. I’m love. But like
you saw, love is every time chose able. Within the love to the humans lays the
freedom for them to choose the love to me.”
“But Lord, the humans
don’t like you, either the like each other. How could this be? Where is the
love on this planet?” “This is a thing of the trust and believing of the
humans. In the beginning I made a wonderful garden for Adam, like this here.
Adam had a lot of work to care for this garden, but in the evening we met each
other and were together, talking and having a lot of fun. He narrated what he
all find out during the day and he told me of his wishes and dreams. We had a
wonderful time together. One Day he told me of his wish to get a complement. So
it was a big enjoyment for him to meet Eva and they both loved each other. I
was very happy about my creations. Every evening we sat together and were
happy, but in this one evening everything was different. I came to the normal
time in the arbor, but the two weren’t there. No
Adam, no Eva. I was frightened, what happened to them. So I went
through the garden and look for them, shouting: “Adam where are you, Eva, where
are you” It hurt me a lot that he weren’t there.
“What happened then
Jesus” I ask inquiring “Did you find Adam”. “Yes, I found him. He had fear, a
fear deep inside his heart, so he hided from me. Adam and Eva didn’t believed
that I love them absolute and unconditionally. They ate from a fruit, which
were not good for them. Since this there is a big fear reigns the relation
between human. Where fear is, can’t be love. Where fear is, is no trust and
faith. Because of this fear, humans have fear before each other. They all have
a deeply penetrant aspiration according to love, but their deeply fear reign
everything. This fear of Adam and Eva break down everything and the
confraternity broke down. Because of this happing the human became what you can
see today, a creation without real love and happiness. Confraternity with me
wasn’t possible anymore. The sin breaked down everything and so they get
divorced from the tree of life, divorced from me!”
It was quiet now, so I
open my still closed eyes and look up to Jesus. He cries painfully. Tears run
down his cheek. “Yerushaláyim, yerushaláyim, o Adam, o Eva, why didn’t you
believed in me. I loved you, and I still love. Like a Chicken-mom is watching
and sorrow for her little fledgling, I liked to sorrow for you two. But you ran
away. It’s hurting so much, it’s hurting to see your pain and sorrow which you
both chosen by the way you walked.” A
time passed with silence. I look up to the lord. His face is view of pain. I
can see the scare of the crown of thorns clearly. He looks weak, so weak. Is
this man really God?
“Lord, but then you
became a human. The people didn’t recognize you. But this where no wonder,
because you were really like we, a man out of skin and bones. Why didn’t you
show yourself as mighty God, why were you so miserable, simple and humanly?”
“You mean that the people would like me when I came as big messiah and redeemer,
with an arme of angels and on a white, lightning horse down from the heaven? Do
you think the people would like me like this? Would I get there love through
this, or more fear? The human are fighting for my love and they are thinking,
when the work more and harder they can get my love. When you work a lot for his
love, he will give you more love” That’s their slogan.” He makes a break, as he
goes on his voice sounds sadly and full with sorrow. “But they don’t understand
that I still love them. Love them through and through and the can get my love
without any energy.” A breez of sadness was seen in his face, but then he
begins to smile and to gleam. “It was wonderful to walk the way with Petrus and
the other guys. They don’t fear me. We sat together, talked to together, drank
wine and divided everything. Happiness and Pain. I was one of them. I was just
like the time with Adam in the garden. I could be Emanuel for them.” He smiled
and happiness was seen in his face.
“But Lord, then they
left you alone. Everyone left you alone. Judas sold you, Petrus disclaimed you,
the Jewish adjudged you and Pilatus crucified
you. The soldiers beat and spited on you, and finally you get nailed, naked,
humbled and exposed on the raw and cold cross. Lord, why didn’t you defend
yourself? Why didn’t you show your power?” He looks a long time at me. In his
eyes I see a big love and heat. Then he goes on.
“You still haven’t
understood, you have known me for so many years, but you still haven’t
understood that power, especially omnipotent cannot produce love. Power birth
violence and violence birth cruelty. Hasn’t the world still enough of this. In
my Kingdom it’s not about practicing violence and power, it’s about serving and
commitment, about helping and comfort, in other words it’s about love. How can
people learn to love, when they don’t have forgiven? Whoever forgives sin needs
to pay for the resulting last. This I did. I took the resulting last and the
sin of the whole world on my shoulder. Because I did this I’m able to forgive
everyone. There is no man and no woman either a children which has the
necessity to acquit his sin. I just did this for them and I did it for you.
You all are free now, free of sin and guilty. Now all of you are
able to learn loving me. No one can love with fear, sadness and
unthankfulness in his heart. And who doesn’t love, couldn’t be a glad person.
Because of this it’s important that you learn to trust, believe and be thankful
for all I done, furthermore you need to fight against the fear in you. “
After this he keeps
quiet. I look at him and become aware that I held his hand. I look on her. It
is a strong hand, the hand of a workman with deep weal’s on it. Also it is a
maltreat hand, in which was written the pain of this world. With one finger I
touch the wound of the nail. Tears run down his cheek. He cries. “Is your love
so big? And I never understand this. But now I can imagine” I whisper quietly.
He looks on me and keep silent. It’s quiet, so quiet and I become aware that in
this silence I can find the answer. I listen to inside me and ask myself if
there are more questions, but there aren’t. This is the end of the questioning.
There were no more questions. I just want to be in the security of god’s love.
I want to be with god my whole life and living in the love of his arms.
I look at him, at the
lord almighty, the crucified Jesus from Nazareth, the Redeemer of the whole
world. In his Eyes I see a unimaginable love to his human, to Edson to Roberto
and Larissa, to Veronica and Marcio, to Alex and Chico and all the others,
whose name I don’t know. He knows them all. Quietly I hear his Voice saying:
“My friend, do you want to bring this love to your family, to your friends to
your neighborhood and to the world? Do you want to be my arm, my feet and my
hands? Do you want to tell the whole world of my name? Do you want to bring the
world the message of my love?”
